Friday, January 28, 2011

Hello. My Name Is...

There is nothing I enjoy more than an "Aha" moment! That sudden realization when everything comes together to give something meaning. I experienced these moments frequently while living in Hawaii, because there was less noise in my life then. After moving back to Arizona I missed the opportunities as I allowed myself to be distracted by busyness. Now that I have nothing but time to think the "Aha" moments are once again consuming me.

The latest epiphany involves my lifetime struggle with food. While I will never concede to psycho-babble about my need to fill a void, I'm sure subconsciously there is a reason. However, because I feel that dwelling on the reasons is more detrimental than beneficial I have come to terms that the overall issue is my weight and I need to get some control over it. I am very disheartened that I have managed to gain back all of the weight I lost just 4 years ago. Since it came on slowly I thought I had time to stop it before it became to overwhelming but I used excuses to help pile it on. I am full of excuses and I have a million of them for why I packed it on again. But after a month long binge over the holidays I came back to South Africa sick to death of junk food and an extra 10 lbs of baggage.  I knew it was time for a change and I was ready to start diet #150 ( I'm not really counting it's just an estimate!). One thing I have come to understand is the only way a diet will work for me is if I am 100% ready to commit and I am at doing it for the right reasons. I feel I am in a good place right now and that I need my outside to match up with my inside.

I purchased a new book to add to my collection called "The Fat Belly Diet". I was interested in it because it's all about monounsaturated fats and how they can help prevent the accumulation of dreaded belly fat or visceral fats, which are dangerous for our health. Since the tummy is a definite trouble area I decided to give this plan a shot. The first 4 days includes an "Anti-bloat Jump Start". It's less calories, no caffeine, no salt, no sugar...very bland, very natural foods. The first couple of days were trying; however, because I was ready, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I did have moments when I said "forget this...I need a cookie" but I was able to fight through it (actually I had to lock myself in my bedroom during moments of temptation). Here was my epiphany...while I have always believed that I was a food addict, I finally realized I am actually addicted to substances in the food, i.e. sugar. If I was addicted to food I should be content to eat anything but that isn't the case, I have never craved and over-dosed on apples. I am addicted to junk: unhealthy, processed, un-organic crap. How, then, is my substance abuse different than any other? Is it any more excusable or less self-destructive than being addicted to alcohol?

In the past Diet Coke was my friend. In fact, I never believed anyone who told me what it was doing to my body because I had successfully lost weight in the past while drinking 44 oz of it a day. But here is another big "Aha"... during what I now think of as the 4 day "detox" part of my new diet, my cravings have reduced if not disappeared entirely. As I have been eating foods that are natural and beneficial to my body I am beginning to lose my desire to put manufactured, harmful things in it. I am learning to appreciate the purpose of each ingredient in my eating plan and what it is doing for my body. My mind is much clearer now that it is not fogged down by sugar and nutri-sweet. I know this is not a new discovery by any means...this is just the first time I have truly felt the effects of what these substances were doing to my brain and how they contributed to my cravings and weight.

Always one for honesty and putting things out there, I have decided to document my newest attempt at recovery (I am using this term now instead of diet because I finally realize it is so much more than that). So let me introduce myself...Hello! My name is Sarah Bevier and I am addicted to eating crap! I have been eating clean foods for 2 weeks and I have lost 6 lbs +! Clearly, I have not been doing this long enough to say I am cured, but as part of any addiction program goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. I am also not going to pretend that this new turn of events is because of my own strength alone. It is through the power of prayer and strength in the Lord that I am able to overcome my weaknesses. I am taking this one day at a time...

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